Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
