There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
