There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
