Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
