You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
