I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
