Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
