I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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