she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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