No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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