i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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