yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
