alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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