I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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