im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
