The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
