Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
