Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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