i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
