i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
