Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
