Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
