Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize