You were right. It hurts to walk today.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
