maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and she was petting her beer can
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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