Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
