I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
