Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
