mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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