i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
