She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
