Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face

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(816): View more from Missouri

Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house

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(512): View more from Texas

He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.

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(323): View more from California

Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success

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