apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
