I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
