is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
