OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
