I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
