so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
