Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
