dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
