where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you still have your period?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
