just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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