3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
