we made out on top of his cat.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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