God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
