apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
