I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
