Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
