arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
