He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
