I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize