Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
