I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
