I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
how does that bad decision feel?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
