I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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