capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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