that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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