if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
