Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I need moral support for this bender
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
