she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
