like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
