I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
