he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
