btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
