Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
