I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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