He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
