I have demons in me.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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