You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
