I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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