..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
