The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
