Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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