My hand turned me down
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
