he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
