at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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