he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
