i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
