i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize