we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
