Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
