So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
