My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
