a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
